your love is my drug

2010-04-13T18:01:00.002+08:00

We deny that we're tired.We deny we're scared.We deny how badly we want to succeed and most importantly,we deny that we're in denial.We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe,and it works.We lie to ourselves so much that after a while,the lies start to seem like the truth.We deny it so much that we can't recognize the truth in front of our faces.

-Grey's Anatomy

i want you so bad

2010-04-09T20:49:00.005+08:00

hello blogger,i'm ditching you.don't be too sad though,you're still young.you'll find someone you love eventually.meanwhile,i had an affair with tumblr and i'm only telling you now.but i want to have the custody of all our posts and pictures.you better give them to them or i'll see you in court.as for who is the third party,never you mind.the both of us are having the best times now and i don't want you to barge in.but being the nice ex girlfriend,ask me if you want his name.i might give it to you,depending.alright blogger,dont come and find me anymore.i'm sorry.you were just too boring and plain so i had to find alternatives:/ don't blame me.upgrade yourself first,and then come and find me if you still want to.i used to love you,remember that.but those feelings are gone now.don't dwell on this relationship and move on.i wish you all the best in the future.but don't worry my ex love,i will still come and visit our children,the pictures and posts.and maybe someday,just someday,i might come back to you.but for now,tumblr is my lover and don't fight with him over me.its alright,i might come back to you when tumblr looks crappish.wait for me alright!

xoxo,

felicia

your ex lover who seriously loved you a lot,but has since ditched you cause you weren't hot anymore.

i dont know what to say

2010-04-07T15:20:00.001+08:00

DEAR JOHN IS OUT(: woots man!hiak.i sound dumb-.-

That should be me holding your hand

2010-04-01T13:15:00.003+08:00

You told me to climb every mountain to find God's will for my life and how God wants me to spend my love.I wish you would be beside me again.I won't give up so early,no I won't.I will search everywhere until I find it.

Sports carnival was (Y).so much better than cross country pleasee.WE WON 11 LEGGED RACE.DAMM STYLE RIGHT?IKR!Hah,better something than nothing!(: heh!and we were damm high after the whole thing.should i delete this blog?:S i feel so meaningless.as siewmeng says,its just mostly a picture and one line of words-.-

made it so clear

2010-03-30T18:15:00.001+08:00

today was (Y).but sigh.

you're running out of time

2010-03-29T20:24:00.001+08:00

you know i still do.

click

2010-03-28T22:54:00.000+08:00

A picture everyday shall keep my blog from being forgotten

here in the death of Christ I live

2010-03-26T22:24:00.001+08:00

oh so now everything's my fault isn't it?after the effort i put in,it is still my fault.oh let me guess,it was always my fault.

2010-03-22T20:38:00.001+08:00

whats the point?

and the mind screams no

2010-03-21T21:31:00.001+08:00

why does everyone accuse me?i didn't i didn't i didn't.why won't you all understand me for just a moment.guess you never will.

my heart beats like thunder

2010-03-19T18:52:00.002+08:00

i realised the web is such a scary place.

i'll be waiting for you to come along.

when you just don't know

2010-03-18T22:08:00.000+08:00

Symptoms

There are many symptoms that signify depression. The frequency, duration, and severity of these symptoms will vary depending on the individual. ^[5] Some signs and symptoms that can occur include:^[6]^[7]

Anger and/or irritability
Persistent sadness, the feeling of being "empty", and anxious
Changes in sleep patterns (insomnia, in particular during the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping which is also known as hypersomnia)
Loss of interest in everyday activities
Appetite or weight changes (a significant weight gain or loss, by more than 5% of body weight)
Irritability or restlessness
Loss of energy
Concentration problems
Fear of failure
Repetition in speech
Unexplained aches and pains
Frequent thoughts of suicide or death
Compulsive-obsessive disorders (such as chewing fingernails)
Inability to control spending or eating
Feeling worthless or ignored

maybe i'm just another empty shell.maybe ellie's right.

i'm kinda busy

2010-03-17T21:42:00.001+08:00

everyone passed something.be it fd bronze or SFA.and what did i pass?nothing,absolutely nothing.way to go felicia.

dead and gone

2010-03-15T22:07:00.001+08:00

i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.i didn't pass my fd bronze.

this feeling sucks.

2010-03-15T21:39:00.001+08:00

I feel horrible now and don't you dare mention fd to me.

and its alright

2010-03-15T17:50:00.003+08:00

I wish you would talk to me once more.

I miss Cambodia all over again.sighh,not so much of the place,but more of the memories we left there.all the awesome times.its the first day of march holidays and I'm proud to announce it was quite productive today(Y)lets just hope everyday would be as productive as today.i cant afford to waste time,or else i'll be the worst in class,again.

alright,happy things aside.i remembered how my heart would beat faster when you talked to me on msn.even when my phone vibrates,its like the happiest sound in my world.but i took all these for granted.2 years.nearly 2 years,and i still remember it so clearly as if it was just yesterday.its amazing right?2 years,24 months,730 days,17520 hours,1051200 minutes,63072000 seconds.these numbers may seem huge,but to me,they dont mean a thing.it was just as if everything happened last night.i should have seen it coming right?the sms-es every night slowly stopped,the offline messages on msn slowly stopped.and one day,every thing came to a standstill.but no,whatever happens,the world continued to rotate.grr,grow up felicia.you're 14 already.

thats why

2010-03-14T12:33:00.004+08:00

I don't know why,but I feel oddly contented when I talk to you.but then,I guess we both grew up.

2010-03-12T22:54:00.002+08:00

i gave up fighting the moment i saw your face.

Since miss ho is complaining that there is too much emo content in the posts,we shall start off with happy things alright? xiulun owns me $4.80.i better write it here,lest i forget.korean food today was (Y).we spent 1 hours there.45 minutes crapping and playing with food and 15 minutes eating.we are so pro.its the march holidays.though it doesn't feel like that.sigh.i wish i'm not feeling itchy now.i wanna go for council camp); grr.

neglected.

2010-03-11T18:48:00.002+08:00

I finally know how you feel last time.

I've realised what a jerk I have been the whole of last year.I ignored everyone else not in my clique and didn't care much about them.ignored them.and now i know how it feels to be treated that way.yes,maybe i deserve it,for treating others the same way.but i didnt know that last year.i did it subconsciously.I believe people don't think how they treat others.it's just subsciously,human nature again.sigh.and now i know how it feels to be so ignored and left out.finally a taste of my own medicine.

i'm just in the background,just laughing and joking with all of you.but never truly a part of you all.but then again,I cant be selfish and restrict all my friends.they're not my maids,i cant tell them who they can befriend and i will not.i guess this is just part and parcel of life.we'll experience this in some point of our lives.but for me,i've always felt this way since young.I never really had a good friend,but rather a group of them.and for some reason,the group always keeps on increasing.and you know when they're more people,the less attention each person gets.

no,i'm not saying anything.sighh,forget.seeing you all there,its like my heart is shattering into a thousand pieces.and there wasn't much pieces to start with.sighh.my deserts.

braindead

2010-03-10T22:45:00.002+08:00

I wish i could be smart.

I hate being stupid.I hate looking at my questions and starting to panic cause none of them seems logical to me.I tried.I listened during class,looked through my mistakes,asked when I wasn't sure.I tried everything to pull up my grades.But always,I fail.I've tried,I can tell you that.I redid all my questions before a test,looked through all the slides.But still,I can't do anything right.

I'm crying on my maths paper now,the ink seems smudged and blotchy.its ruined.I have to recopy the entire thing again.why am i still so stupid even though i tried?i tried my best already.but my head doesn't want to take it in.maybe its just me.its part of me and i can't change it.I'll always the last one,the one scraping by.always.I'm such a failure.

don't tell me I'm not,cause i know i am.

Cambodia saranghae

2010-03-07T16:58:00.002+08:00

i wish we could go back.i miss all the times we spent there.

alright,there's nothing much i can say here.cambodia was (Y) i don't regret going there,not even a single bit.all i wish is that i can go back again.i miss everything about cambodia,from the fried rice,happy room,to the smell of their market.sigh.the best times.but now,we're still back in singapore.still piled with homework and school): cries.i miss the children,especially.they were so nice to us,so friendly.i wanna go back to those days.

i'm missing you

2010-03-07T09:45:00.002+08:00

I'm waiting to upload all my cambodia pictures before i shall go and blog about it.sighh,i miss cambodia and everyone there.i miss how slow paced it is compared to singapore.i miss all the retarded jump shots we did at angkor wat.i miss fried rice every meal.i miss kbs and mtv every night.i miss crashing into liying's room and wrecking her bed.i miss taking mineral water everytime we come on the bus.i miss listening to my ipod and sleeping.i miss the children.i miss the shopping.i miss the food.i miss the hotel.

sighhhh.i wish time could turn back.

for i am his

2010-02-28T20:13:00.002+08:00

look through my soul and tell me what reflects inside

sigh sigh.i don't even know who tagged and spammed on my blog.come on,own up.its not like i'll eat you up.am i that scary that there isn't even a name): haha,nevermind.whoever that is,thank you.i don't even know what to say.

leaving for cambodia tmr.somemore my flight is like uber early-.- must sleep early tonight.you'll miss me right?hah,of course you will.i'll feeling so weird now,cause its just to sudden(: but its okay.thank youuu everyone who wished me a safe journey.you too!if you're going.

this is random but i just thought of all my awesome squadmates.thank youu for always being there for me.i'll always treasure you all(: thats all.i shall go and charge my ipod.goodnight!

sighh

2010-02-27T21:40:00.002+08:00

Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go. -Mother Teresa

i shan't be angry here):

hope,it leads me on

2010-02-26T21:48:00.003+08:00

i can't stand it anymore.why are you behaving like this?

its like i'm standing right in front of you,but you don't really care about me.jealously is such a hard thing to conquer.i'm severely depressed (X2)im being ignored like forever,am i so invisible?and i thought i was opaque.oh wow.i don't want to go cambodia,i don't want to go to school.all i want is to lie in bed and sleep my days away.sighhh,a girl can feel down isn't it?what a sad post this is.sighhh.yet i gotta swallow everything in and i cant tell anyone:/ the only person i told is my friend is Korea.can you believe it?i have to tell someone in korea despite the people here.

everything that comes out of my mouth is labelled to them as bimbo,retarded,lame and childish.i can't even say something without being laughed at.is this the kind of life i want to lead felicia?to just be the happy go lucky one.people just laugh and smile with me,but thats all.wahpiang,now i'm feeling more and more used): sighh,this is a ridiculous post,ignore it.i wanna cry.hah,what is crying to me?its a daily routine,something i'll do when i want people to give in to me.i cry so frequently that people think when i cry,its just another bimbo act of mine.

is this my life?a life full of tears,jealously and fake smiles?cause i think it is.sadly.everyone who was once close to me left me already.is this the result?that i cannot be myself when i'm around others?cause i'm scared they'll leave me again,and i'll have to face the same story again.its just like history repeating itself.sighhh.what a long retarded post.

stay strong

2010-02-23T20:59:00.003+08:00

people say they'll be there for you.but in actual fact,you are very much alone in this wide world.

I WILL EMBRACE THE EXPERIENCE(: yay felicia. dear God,i pray that you will give me strength,that i will mix around and not always stay in my clique.Amen.i can overcome everything through Christ who strengthens me.

how you always seem to know

2010-02-21T20:46:00.003+08:00

I need to 拼命.its not like a have a choice.if i had a choice to be smart without studying,i would grab it.but i don't.the only way i can get what i want is by trying my best,and going overtime.its amazing how you always seem to know when i'm down,when i'm sad.

always

2010-02-17T23:37:00.002+08:00

I KNOW I PROMISED MYSELF NOT TO BLOG BUT TEE HEE!i'm so screwed.for science and for red cross.sighh

There’s always a little truth behind every
“just kidding.”
a little knowledge behind every
“i don’t know.”
a little emotion behind every
“i don’t care.”
and a little pain behind every
“it’s okay.”

enjoy the days,for they will be gone soon

2010-02-13T22:55:00.005+08:00

hello my dears,it going to be cny in like a few mintues time.and v day.Hah,i wanna wish all of you a happy new year and happy v day.there's 2 people especially i wanna say a hugee thank you to.

Ellie:

hey ellie.thanks for being there for me.for giving me encouragement when i need it the most,when no one else told that to me.thanks for sharing with me,and listening to me.ily!i can't imagine life without you.

Gin:

Hah,i betcha surprised:/ recently you became my awesome recess buddy,always going to the library with me.i realised that their books are (Y) i bet i cant find another recess buddy like youu.

OH ITS CNY AND VDAY! happy new year pull your ear!enjoy the new year,may it be better than the previous year and happy vday everyone!(: love all of you!i will resist,until i improve.

come running home

2010-02-13T19:53:00.003+08:00

i want to watch dear john): like badly.but when i tell ellie,she say cannot.don't go and watch those sad movies,must watch something retarded,like vday.tsk.my El speech is super corny and cheesy.tsk.aiya,so sian.don't talk to me.

get back right up

2010-02-11T21:33:00.002+08:00

Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not its own, is not provoked, taketh not account of evil

1 Corinthians 13:4-5

sighh, v day is coming soon.and i still haven't got anything for anyone.tsk,i suck.these few days are sucky, as usual.homework,tests blah.i totally screwed my chinese today.i sense i'll fail and they're probably kick me out of html.i'm tried of lying to everyone.i just need whom i can talk to,like honest talk and tell everything too.unfortunately, no one wants to listen.to some,i might be some bimbo.to others,im a bitter person.i came to secondary school with no intention of telling anyone about my primary school D; but when you're feeling down,you need to tell someone.and i told i don't know how many people already.siann.i don't know what to do):

i need to start mugging,since my brain processes stuff slower than others.i want to grow up again.i'm thinking of random noises again.serious.i hear sheep bah-ing on the pastures, church bells clanging against each other,the sound of the leaves rustling in the autumn.sigh,what is wrong with me? this is a long post i realised D;

i screwed fd today.full of wrong turnings and crap timings.today is was blur.and im usually not like there.my heart just wasn't there.thank god it wasn't the usual,or else i would have died.evac was a teeny weeny bit better.fireman's lift was better.weirder.

that day in the home econs room,i vowed to myself that from that moment onward,i would not fail.everything i did,i would succeed.i don't like the feeling of failure.it sucks.since young,everything i did i would fail.last year was horrible.failure hit me strong and hard.i shall not fail ever again.i will not taste failure ever again.but i'm scared i will.

when your heart skips a beat

2010-02-10T22:24:00.001+08:00

don't freak me out,please.

pfft

2010-02-08T23:21:00.000+08:00

wish you were gone

i'm telling you,i am so stressed up D; and its no fun being a stressed up kid

why did you come?

2010-02-07T22:03:00.003+08:00

i feel like giving up now.since you're not longer here,why should i even bother anymore?

私はあなたの泣いているだろう

according to you

2010-02-03T22:19:00.003+08:00

really i never stopped

i don't think you know i still think of you once in a while.might be that hectic red cross afternoon,or a lazy sunday morning.i can get over it,but it will still be there.sighh.it sucks to have no one to talk to when you have so much to say.and please get in.sighh

when its over

2010-02-02T22:31:00.002+08:00

let go of the past,and look forward to the future

i'm trying my dears(: thank youuu all of you for being there for me.i appreciate it,really do

scared

2010-02-01T23:25:00.002+08:00

maybe we were wrong?

sighh,my days are filled with red cross and more red cross.everything seems to be about it now.i'm feeling hurt,confused and disappointed.more of confused.cause i can't seem to figure whats the right way to teach the sec 1's so they'll remember and think we're not screaming our heads off at them.but we'll try won't we?as long as we know we put in our best,i'm willing to get punished.cause i know i already did my best.and no matter how many more pumpings,the results will still be the same.that shall be my aim(: to teach them without regrets.hah.i shall not blame the sec 1's,because it might be our fault too.just hope they'll understand how tough it is how be a sec 2.last time when my seniors taught me,i thought it was kinda-.- but now,i understand how they must have felt at that time.miserable and angry.

nevermind,we shall change): i shall forget that everything happened.sighh.i need a good night's rest.goodnight!what if our best isn't enough?we still have to do punishments even though we tried our best isn't it?

finally letting go

2010-01-31T22:33:00.002+08:00

I ♥ this song many many.thanks xiulun for telling me this.though i don't understand the words,when i see the mv,i'll cry.its just so overwhelming.reminds me of you.makes no sense though.there is nothing similar.but i don't know why its just reminds me of you.for weird reasons.quit messing with my head.

don't foget

2010-01-31T01:17:00.003+08:00

yknow how much i wished i never said yes that time? that you'll still be my awesome bestest friend who i could tell everything too.now,we're like strangers.no,worst than strangers.you avoid me everytime,don't you realise that everytime you do that,it breaks my heart.its just telling me"hey,go away.i don't ever want to see you again."and i know you mean that.remember the countless times i begged with you after that?not one did you reply me.not a single one.issit so hard to say something.can you believe i'm 14 already?its so fast,i still can remember the night you asked me.that night,i kept smiling to myself.but you didn't know that.of course you didn't know that.i want my best friend back.you said no matter what happens,we would still be friends.i want to ask you,are you kidding me-.- what a big fat liar you are.i wonder how you're doing now.all i want is just to rewind back time.i want us to be the same old us again.i'm listening to a sad song while typing this.guess that explains why i'm crying.a bit.issit the song or the past,i don't know too.wait,why did i even start thinking about this.nonsense felicia,stop it.

feeling terrible these few days.i don't even know why.just don't feel like going down for recess,acting all happy and everything.oh wells,who cares.deep deep down,i know i got God and myself,thats enough.excuse me for emo-ing and moping around.skip this is you wish.i don't, really care.feeling super vexed now.red cross,g1,sec 1's,fd,chinese,history everythingg.

i wish i could tell someone the whole truth

i don't want to see you again

2010-01-30T17:37:00.002+08:00

will we have to do punishments for you'll before you all will listen to us and take us seriously?i don't understand the sec 1's.we're trying our best to help them so that they won't get punished.so that we too won't get punished.but all we got was them being rude to us and not listening to us.everyone agreed that some of them were quite rude.i mean i know they've just joined red cross and are not used to it yet but this is not about their posture,drills etc. its about respect for your seniors.i still remember although we joked around with our seniors last year,it didn't go to that extent. i'm not saying we're better but some of them are really.. argh.they maycurse us,but we still try our best to teach them even though we know they were cursing us.we have homework,tests and more tests.but we still stay till so late to help them.i don't mind them being unsure of the drills and stuff.its okay,we were like that once.but what is more important is they tell us so that we can reteach them and are willing to change for the better.i'm already preparing myself for the punishments and scolding we'll get after the ma'ams seen the sec 1's D;

i don't understand you.you want to command others,yet don't want to be commanded yourself.its ironic.everyone will have to go through this stage.they need to be commanded by others first,before they can command others.its part and parcel of life.don't pretend to be all.. its pathetic,really is.and also,don't spread rumors about others.its really disgusting and pathetic.it just shows everyone what a liar you are.everyone knows about it,really.whatever you said might be true,but you don't have to tell everyone about it.if you know it,just keep it to yourself.imagine someone spread rumors about you,would you like it?obviously you won't.so why are you doing this to others?i really feel like screaming at you,but i can't.you better change now.i'm damm pissd at you.why must you do this.its bad enough the sec 1's are like that already.i'm begging you,please change else our squad will always have so many problems.

i believe

2010-01-28T21:52:00.003+08:00

Today's fd was (Y).like better than usual.and we even managed to learn new drills.2 in fact.heh.it's been ages since we learnt a new drill.the past few lessons were just turning,turning and more turning.super scary.tmr have to teach the sec 1's the basic stuff ;( i mean we're like babies ourselves,we depend on the sec 3's to tell us what to do when we need help.and there're going to step up soon so we'll have to help the sec 1's.ohmymama,i'm damm scared.what if we are not sure,and we can't answer the sec 1's.urgh.. basically,i have nothing to say.

moody

2010-01-28T13:05:00.001+08:00

I realised there was never a we.it was always you.

when i first saw you

2010-01-27T21:24:00.001+08:00

this is lame,but for your entertainment ;D

whats worth fighting for

2010-01-26T21:40:00.003+08:00

how can you go on loving someone who is no longer there?

council today was (Y) hilarious.and i looked so retarded, clumsily and comical.Hah,really.embarrasingg.but nevermind,had lots of fun.sometimes i wonder if its our fault that the sec 1's didn't get the 'sec 1 experience'.like the angel and mortal thing.i wonder if it was that banned last year.or was it just because we didn't dare to do it for fear of getting into trouble?issit cause we were scared that the sec 1's didn't know us that well?maybe,but nevermind,forget it.i'm thinking too much.

today's mommy birthday(!) i'm having cake later on(: awesomesauce.xixixi.sighh,the sec 1's rc list is out alrd.that means we have to teach them sia.grr.and we'll get punished for their mistakes.pfft): i want to be sec 1 foreverr.den we got the sec 2's to help us.sighh,i hate growing up.

beauty is a light in the heart

2010-01-25T20:24:00.005+08:00

sometimes its hard,but you gotta do it:/

I'm so proud of myself today ;D like honestly.cant tell you why though. my palms are red,knees even redder and my toe looks like its gonna have blisters anytime.but still,i feel accomplished.had scoldings first,den pt.pt was -_- and while we were halfway running,we started firedrill.which was double -_- somemore 3 times): ran and ran and ran.and plus,i wasn't feeling too well.it must have been like so many times i wanted to say that i wasn't feeling well,so that i could sit down there and drink my water.come to think of it now,it must have been like what? 5 times ++.but i didn't(: yay me.i still ran despite the stitch.i conquered it! yay yay me.today ended super duper late.it feels so good after you bathed.

oh yes,i got my money today^^and my daddy is asking me to donate it to his retirement fund.bet he got that from me.tsk tsk.and he didn't even credit me.yeah thanks.okay,so lame.this is totally random but i wanna thank a few people*acts all serious*

Hidayah:

thanks for being the IC.although we got knocked down cause you weren't so loud,its okay.next time must be louder okay?(:

Kit Ying:

I'm really sorry that you had to do pumpings for all our mistakes): sorry okay):

Jesslyn&Saung:

thanks for being there for me during rc,though i know i can be quite annoying.thanks for standing me(: love you truckloads.

Heather:

I realised you're forever my evac and firedrill best buddy.during camp,you went with me.even now,you always go with me.love you truckloads(: and eat more okay ;D

thats all i can think of now.but squadmates,im so proud of each and everyone of you.you all endured with each other.love you all too! and yes,HAPPY BIRHTDAY JESSLYN(!) since its your birthday,i shall say it right.DONG HAE LOVESS YOUUU<3

Dong hae says:I HEART JESSLYN.(shit,this is becoming super lame) neway,have a happy birthday jesslyn!

2010-01-24T17:56:00.003+08:00

Even though I pretend that I've moved on, you'll always be my baby.

long long road

2010-01-22T22:15:00.001+08:00

Homework,homework and more homework.it never seems to end.

jesus take the wheel

2010-01-22T18:05:00.003+08:00

I am screwed.top to bottom.times flies so fast and its already the end of week 3.graded assignments are piling up,and tests too.lit,english,chinese,history,maths.sometimes they just drive me crazy.and plus knowing that i cant slip this year is worst.it must be perfect,no mistakes.any careless shit of mine will result in my grades.and this year its freaking important.i'm exaggerating right?maybe you don't understand me that well.from young i always ain't the smartest kid,or not even top 10:/everytime i tell myself i'm going to do it,i always fail.and i always regret.i don't want to regret this year,definitely not this year.i want it bad.too badly

and all of you always fail to notice.maybe its human nature.

2010-01-15T18:15:00.002+08:00

when i watched the japanese occupation show just now,i though of dying.and my hand was trembling like mad.i don't want to die.maybe i should get someone like edward.heh.kidding!like what knows will happen to me,when my body is rotting and being fed on below the ground.thousands of years after i die,people will trample over me,not knowing i ever walked on the very same earth.i will just become that little piece of blue sky.my sister once asked me"how does God look like?"i mean if when i would know,i certainly won't be there to tell her the answer.i'm scared to dying.although they say death is nothing to fear of.for the sun will rise,and eventually it will set.maybe you think i'm just being silly.worrying about all these,but still...

its hard to say goodbye

2010-01-09T21:44:00.002+08:00

why did you have leave me now?especially when you know how dependent i am on you.without you,i am nothing.3 years is a long time,very long.but the time you finish,i would be 16 already.but i cant be selfish to ask you not to go.thanks for everything.

2010-01-05T19:45:00.001+08:00

why?why do we always try to cover up for them.urgh.cant they see what we've helped them to do,and appreciate it.instead of thanking us,they're bringing us more trouble.im going to burst already.cant take it anymore

2010-01-04T20:44:00.000+08:00

why are some people like that?

one year passed

2009-12-31T22:00:00.003+08:00

hey darlings,thanks for all the awesome birthday wishes and dedications.my 13th birthday was awesome(: i totally overslept in the morning,so went to school pretty late.we totally were like -_- and the drawings were hilarious.had an awesome time.left pretty early to meet xiulun,beatrice and xiangjun.at first i wore fbt but on second thoughts,fbt to orchard like very the -.-so i wore my skirt instead.weird yes,but what to do?we walked around aimlessly and had pepper lunch(Y)i was so scared i couldn't carry the tray cause it's heavy and usually my daddy carries it for me.heh.thank god the person deliver one.i sound so noob.and beatrice was eating oil ice cream.fatteningg.haha.oh yes,i forgot Beatrice and xiangjun bought me a cake.like 1/4 kg mini cake was lots of fruits on it.liying was going to meet us and she thought it was unfair we ate pepper lunch and she ate food court.-.-liying forever like this one.

after walking around aimlessly,we went to bugis carrying the cake.i was so amazed the cake survived till then.we went to the food court to cut the cake(:they got the candles but didnt have matchstick/any other stuff that could produce fire.and obviously,being the smart people we were,we pretended there were fire and blew it-_- we are so smart.we started using hands to eat the cake and it was awesome.and hah,i did something malu but thats for me to know and you to find out:X heh.walked around and crapped like mad.after xiangjun left cause she needed to go somewhere with her mommy,my sister demanded me to be home cause it was late and we left.charlotte came to give me my birthday present after i bathed(:

2010 going to come real soon,and that means the end of my birthday): i'm scared for next year.teaching the rc juniors,streaming and everything.and school's going to start soon.scareddd:/my new year resolutions are to get good results,to try my best for rc and council,stop swearing even if i'm really really pissed off,stop acting bimbotic,be nice to my parents/grannies/sister/friends/relatives,and to have faith in God.

its amazingg how fast a year passed.how i was so anxious over the appeal results and when i got them,how happy i was.how i made so many awesome friends,how i survived rc and even grown to love my fabulous squadmates who endured with me.the many times we got so elated cause we passed our accreds.and the many times i went out with cliquee to eat lunch after school,the many times i went with hxl to bmi for food and try to study.this year had been awesome.sure there were moments that i wanted to break down and disappear from the face of the earth,but in the end i pulled through.and im glad it did.next year's going be tougher,but im sure we'll all do fine,oh not fine,AWESOME.i've grown from a really noob pri school girl with lots of complicates issues to someone who loves and has been loved.technically i can say i matured,but a little more bimbotic now.oh wait,pretend you didnt see that.and yes,happy new year!

even if you feel far from God today,you are highly valued by him.

He's searching for you. - David C. McCasland

addictive

2009-12-31T19:50:00.003+08:00

ohmygosh,why did hxl have to tell me bout the vampire diaries.make me wanna read it all over again.and they already have a series but obviously its not showing in sg):i still remember charlotte lent me the book.its awesome.but i stopped at the 2nd book.anyone has it,can lend me?heh.

lies ain't that painful

2009-12-30T18:55:00.002+08:00

i'm really freaking pissed with you.but i tell myself it ain't worth it cursing and swearing at you.why?you can quit for all i care,not like we want you around.and you don't even just stick around,you bring us trouble.why can't you spare us the agony.its not just because of the money.and yes,you do own us a lot of money.and seriously.we pay we pay,but we never get it back.we also have to do posters for you,punishments blah blah blah.have you ever thought about us?just write a letter and get out since you despise rc so much.its not that hard.after all even your mommy supports you.the longer you drag,the more pain we have to suffer.so long as you didn't hand in the letter,you are STILL your squadmate and you're STILL counted in our total strength.argh,i shall stop.

southern light

2009-12-28T22:07:00.000+08:00

i don't understand why

take it

2009-12-27T20:48:00.003+08:00

So what if it hurts me?

So what if I break down?

these few days have been real horrid.got thousands of scolding,beatings and tears.urgh.but now things are seriously much much better(: went to jurong point to buy a sweater.well not exactly but kind of.my budget was 20 bucks,but i found one for $12 at cotton candy(Y) awesome.heh.everyone is like watching singapore idol.i hope sylvia wins.i rather she wins.heh.tmr going to be a longgg day.red cross is taking over my days.pfft.okay,lalala.i hope someone will buy me the LG ice cream.toodles):

oh wait,my birthday is coming soon.you all better remember

came and went away

2009-12-25T21:39:00.004+08:00

Merry christmas darlings:D hope you had an awesome time.be it at home,or going out to malls.be in with your friends or your family.be it you went to catch a movie or just went around shopping all day.I'm sure you had a great time.for me, Christmas came and went away.i've forgotten how i used to celebrate christmas when i was young already.last time we used to have this huge christmas tree and they'll put presents underneath it and we'll open it on christmas.but now,christmas is so quiet.even i can't get anything cause they didn't carry it.how awesome.thanks a bunch Santa.you must have been too busy with the others,you've forgotten me.last christmas seems so unreal from this one.like i'm living in some dream.

happy birthday Jesus.

i wanna hear my sound

2009-12-24T20:01:00.004+08:00

hey darlings,yeps.new camera(: and new photo printer.this one's really cool.better than the other one which we recently got.its much much slimmer.i think i might enjoy photography(:and oh,did i mention that my other granny is staying with me for a few days?(Y)best.i love having them around(L

and oh yes,please tell me if i should get this phone or stop being so materialistic and stick with my old phone for another 6 months.cause my mom doesn't mind swapping with me(: its the LG KF350.i like the design sia.

i know i don't have to say

2009-12-22T22:25:00.001+08:00

MY DADDYKINS GOT A FREAKING BLACKBERRY:O ohmygod,im so jealous.why everyone's handphones so hip ones): i feel so old fashion.heh.

quiet

2009-12-22T12:53:00.002+08:00

everytime i tell someone i'm feeling a bit down,their standard answer will be "why?your birthday coming soon eh." 9 more days to the day i'll waited so long since last year.but does that really matter?my birthdays have always been really standard.my parents don't buy some surprise gift for me,but i'll get a happy birthday from all my family members.i don't expect them to spend money to get me a birthday present,but yknow sometimes you can't help but wish.when you read in novels how the character celebrates his birthday,treated like a king.while i would still be expected to study.and this year is going to be worst.but its okay felicia,my agenda for that day would be to sleep the whole day.and oh,this year i won't be even getting a cake from my parents.usually they'll order it at the start of december.but this year they didn't.

sitting here so lonely,

birthday came and gone,

not a single present,

no happy birthday song.

i knew it'd be that way,

the worst birthday yet,

nothing else to say,

but how could they forget.

never got to make a wish,

i wish i wasn't born,

don't have cake or candles,

to make this wish on.

so i'll keep going,

wishing i was dead,

maybe next year's better,

maybe they won't forget.

crystal shover

myself to blame

2009-12-21T16:25:00.003+08:00

Yea baby \m/i totally feel like screaming and jumping at the parade square now(which i kinda did like 3 hours ago) it feels amazinggg to pass your accreds,knowing that you chionged the whole day,had a sleepless night and learnt till you wanna give up.and this time,it was so much better.all of us to took it,we all passed.however scary bertha ma'am was looking at us during the prac,however intimidating subha ma'am was staring at us during radio com,we still managed to pull through everything.and the talking/gossiping/laughing at random stuff/trying to imitate people later was awesome. we even went for squad lunch(!) went plaza sing later on to eat pastamania(: and we totally stuffed ourselves.i will never touch a creamy chicken ever again.

on the way home i saw you. and please can,i was just standing right in front.but you totally ignored me and crossed the traffic light.jeez,i had no idea if that was on purpose or not.i wanted to call out to you,but nevermind.算了.

get so much more

2009-12-20T21:43:00.002+08:00

boys who love art are (Y) and insane-ly cute.went with my sister for outdoor drawing today.and seriously they are (Y)(Y).i sound like some huge bimbo who is obsessed with boys.heh.but i'm not.just 2 exceptions,boys who love art and boys with white specs(: yay me

nobody's love anymore

2009-12-16T21:48:00.004+08:00

i must be brave.be brave felicia.even if it kills me,i must ask you to go away.i can't let you see me in this awful state.for your sake,you have to leave me behind.go away,can't you understand?you think i feel good?no,i don't.im feeling more rotten than you are.but you have to listen to me and go away.

maybe you know me better

2009-12-16T11:22:00.001+08:00

I've been watching jack neo movies.and they're really funny(Y) i'm sick,tired and miserable

take me to a place

2009-12-13T21:30:00.003+08:00

1000 cranes can't give you hope,you gotta believe in yourself

today's science lesson was hilarious.talking about enunches and what not.totally digressing(: i realized my dear holidays are going to end,for good.now what?this holiday has been really unproductive.and to think i promised myself that i would finish all my homework in nov and revise in dec.crap.this holidays ain't going as planned.shopping till 10pm was (Y)bought lots of clothes,and tried millions of clothes with my awesome sister,of course.and had pepper lunch.double (Y) i love days like these.i wished with all my might for you to come,but you didn't.I'm disappointed.seriously.

i'm starting to have a love/hate relationship with rc.sometimes its fun and all,but sometimes you're just freaking pissed with your squadmates cause they don't tell you why they don't come and you have to take the rap for them.how awesome.argh.

all i heard

2009-12-10T14:35:00.000+08:00

Finals, Elimination Chart

Here is the chart for the finals of the fourth season of America's Got Talent.

Key	Winner	Runner-Up	Finished in Third Place	Finished in Fourth Place	Finished in Fifth Place

Order	Contestant	Performance Description	Result (September 16, 2009)
Finals, September 14-16, 2009
1	Voices of Glory	Sibling singers; sang "Greatest Love of All" by Whitney Houston	5th Place
2	Hairo Torres	Contortionist dancer; danced to "Puttin' on the Ritz" by Rufus Wainwright and "Closer" by Ne-Yo	Eliminated
3	Lawrence Beamen	Bass singer; sang "You're the First, the Last, My Everything" by Barry White	Eliminated
4	Bárbara Padilla	Opera singer; sang "O Mio Babbino Caro" by Giacomo Puccini	Runner-Up
5	Fab Five	Sister cloggers; danced to "Circus" by Britney Spears	Eliminated
6	Texas Tenors	Country–classical singers; sang "My Way" by Frank Sinatra	4th Place
7	Drew Stevyns	Singer (and guitarist); sang "I'll Stand By You" by The Pretenders	Eliminated
8	Grandma Lee	Stand-up comedienne; performed a varied routine, picking on her children, her (fictional) ex-husband, Piers Morgan and Simon Cowell	Eliminated
9	Kevin Skinner	Country singer; sang "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith	Winner
10	Recycled Percussion	Junkyard percussionists; played "Wipe Out" by The Surfaris	3rd Place

i am freaking pissed.I MEAN HOW COULD THEY LET KEVIN SKINNER WIN!?! i know his voice was moving and touching and what not,but come on! there were so many many people better than him.tons.and what the shit,he won $1,000,000.crap man.i totally don't want to watch anymore,now that i know the winner.i don't mean to criticize him,not saying i cant sing any better.but honestly there are better performers than him.jeez.argh,this sucks.his singing is normal,just like any guy's voice.pfft.i am officially giving up on the show. rawr! this is shocking and saddening.and i think arcadian was really honest.pfft.i totally give up on the show.so much for a million dollars.some of them even quit their jobs just to go to the semi finals to perform.when they get kicked out,how will they be able to go about life like before?no job,no money.and all the expenses spent on their stage and everything all wasted.and they have to start all over again.plus,they wont get reimbursed.

enough about the american got talent.pfft.too pissed.rc today was okay.considering we didnt have so much time to study but we all did pretty well(: and prac was weird.but on that day i'll sure freak out:S female bus drivers(Y).the bus came when i was just walking out of the school gate and ran after it.the driver so nice,she waited for me.and thank goodness out school is downslope(:

gotta love me

2009-12-08T22:04:00.002+08:00

no one will ever understand.i know all of you mean well,but have you ever thought from my perspective?any idea how hard this is for me?and how many times i cry just because of this?no.all of you don't.how i can suddenly start sobbing in the middle of a song that makes me feel guilty,and people look as if i lost my mind:/ but thanks for all the encouragements you all given me.i really appreciate it(:

i miss the times you used to sing to me

dont stop

2009-12-07T20:23:00.003+08:00

today was the 49th day:( so we had to go and pray.plus,me,mommy and sis didn't even know to chant the thing so we just kept quiet.but it ended earlier then expected.went to get crystal jade after that\m/ ohmytian,it was awesome(: den they went to shop shop and more shop.but i didnt even buy anything while my sister got to buy so many clothes.pfft,i so sadded.yea,so my mom 请 xiulun to watch movie.paing eh,i so jealous.my retirement fund could totally use some of that money.and guess what,we saw bella and edward dolls.from barbie.wth.new moon was.. the first part was pretty boring.and we were like "xixixi" okay,fine.me only.tsk.but omg,the volturi are super duper cool.especially jane.they totally got the right people to play it.195 crowded like crap.and plus,no one gave up their seats for me:( i so SADDED:/pfft.算了！

and xiulun told me the 2012 story.shit man,im so scared now.and im googling about it now.and shit,guess what i found.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012_phenomenon.crap man,i dunwan die yet.i wanna grow up and earn big bucks.yea baby\m/heh,i shall go and watch the movie(:

i saw someone exactly like you today.and i stopped,but forced myself to move on.

doesn't mean anything

2009-12-01T21:22:00.003+08:00

I'm going to type a super long post so if you don't wanna read everything,dont start.council today was.... sometimes im not even sure of what i want.not saying that i dont have that passion for council but still.its hard to juggle rc,studies and council.now im still okay,but next year will be so much tougher mdears.im really confused.i know all of you have been talking to me and cheering me up.even people that i dont know ask if im okay,and i appreciate that.its just that im not sure if this is the direction that im supposed to go.i was really really freaked out the 2nd time they asked me in.but i guess at least i tried,and i put in my best effort so thats enough for me.but the experience i gained is priceless,so i learnt something.

putting council aside,i feel lost.like suddenly during the holidays i hardly see anyone and no one ever bothers about each other anymore.and i feel like im closer to the rc people,cause i see them the most.oh wait,correction.i only see them.i used to be pissed with a zillion of people in rc,but spending more time with them made me feel like they're quite nice too.but still,i guess some people will never change eh.pfft.i really hope she can change,at least put in your best effort.thats enough(:

confused,lost and wounded.sometimes i don't even know what i want.and why im here.and why the freaking i cant seem to get over minor stuff,which should be easy.goshie felicia,grow up.looks like its ain't as long as planned!

it pains me to see you struggling and trying so hard.

whats the point?you said this was important for you.

have you ever thought about me?im human too.

can you feel my heartbeat?

2009-11-29T22:46:00.002+08:00

I'm really scared for tues.the council thing.i totally screwed up my reflections and it ain't pretty.i was/am never good with words.i can never answer you according to the model answer.but my mommy says it alright.as long as you try your best,thats enough.okay,i must chillax.and im really tired to go back for firedrill tmr.super no mood eh): i wanna sleep:/

whatever it takes

2009-11-27T21:32:00.002+08:00

i can get over things,i shall and i must.no matter what.

i couldn't breathe

2009-11-27T19:53:00.002+08:00

you told me that you'll be honest with me now.so im guessing sec sch friends care if your best friend was chiou ornot?is that so?it seems like that to me.so you're trying to be the popular kid now eh?doing whatever it takes to get into the cool gang.you once told me all the boys that ditched me are all jerks,big jerks.and that you would never ever do that to me,ever.that you would protect me and be always there for me.and now,you left me.crawling on the street thrashing.why are you trying so hard?is it that important to be part of the cool gang,at all expenses?even mine?but you'll say I'll never understand.and you're right.i cannot and never will understand.so is this the end?and stop hiding from it,just tell me right in the face.its better for the both of us honey

cause i know

2009-11-25T22:05:00.002+08:00

i tried to piece everything back,to take initiative and get things done.and did you any of you ever listened to me?DID YOU?no,you all didn't.treated me like i was invisible or something.算了.im tired of trying to make all of you listen.if you don't care,so be it.i couldn't care less.no,you're right.you are absolutely right.i should stop trying.i mean why should i even bother in the first place?

1.my best friend ditched me

2.i finally ask myself why i went to all that extend

3.when i think of it,im pissed

4.i give up on everything

5.im jealous of other people when they go out and have truckloads of fun

6.im sick being stuck at home

7.when im at home,i have free time

8.and that means i can think about everything

and yet

2009-11-25T15:29:00.002+08:00

someone who had once loved you knew how to get to the part of you where pain lived.they knew where you kept that softest,most tender part of your heart;they knew which words and looks and actions would slide deep into you at that spot,they knew which cuts would take an eternity to heal.
-dorothy koomson

You knew,and yet you did it.

I have found a love

2009-11-24T22:48:00.004+08:00

I hate it when I tell you I honestly think we're drifting apart,big time and you tell me we're not and I'm just imaging things.you sure about that?cause i dont think so.and you never argued with me before.you always let me win and wriggle my way out of the most outrageous arguments.so what happened now?i dont wanna think about it.so in the end nothing meant anything to you issit?gah,should have known.and we stuck through all those years together,so that means nothing right?oh yea,i forgot.you got your new best friend now.who cares about old ones?just shove and kick them aside.issit?to think i put up with everything throughout the years.all the rumors.so this is what a get in the end eh?so you thought you could throw me away?well darling,i dont think i'll be so easy.even though my parents thought that we were closer than they liked,i still put up with everything.and when they accuse me,i cried and struggled with everything.you never had to deal with such things don't you?it was always me.and why?just why did i put up with everything?you tell me.I put up with everything because of you.i didn't want to see our friendship go down to waste just because of all these small obstacles.and you promised no matter what,you would always be there for me.and you stuck with that promise until now.whatever happened,whether at church,school,home,relationships,everything.I would come crying to you and you'll comfort me.oh look where had THAT gone to now.so i guess you have a bunch of cooler friends right now.and who needs someone like me.yea,i totally accept that.if you really want things that way,than what choice do i have my dear?you left me with no choice.i guess i'll just have to move on,like i did so many many times before.

Bye my best friend.

Jesus you're my best friend

2009-11-23T15:31:00.004+08:00

had orientation evac today.and seriously i have to idea how they chose me.like im the heaviest there can.casualty-_-so weird can.and eileen ma'am couldn't high drag me like abuduh.in the end adeline ma'am and zhi hui miniskirt me.sorry ah,i noe im super heavy:( my bad. my panicking part was quite fake,but couldnt think of anything to be scared of.but confirm the actual day i sure scared like shit one can.ncc with their faces painted black*shudders*somemore at night.scary can:S

im tired like crap now.going to buy my books tmr.and thats equals to start revising stuff.pfft.felicia must buck up okay(:Im like totally into hillsong now.i can finally understand why ellie loves hillsong so much.im like just listening to them and 'digesting' the lyrics. I'm tired of having to pull everything together.someone hold me before i break into many million shattered pieces.

have you ever spared a thought for us?

if you dont want to do it,what makes you think we want to do it?

they know im gonna be okay

2009-11-20T20:23:00.004+08:00

why don't you listen when i try to tell you?

trying to kill time blogging while waiting for my hair to dry -_- camp was ... scary/tough/fun/'eye-opener'.i remember all the punishments the most.and the food.wahpiang,we stuffed ourselves silly with the food.like some people even ate the peanut butter alone in a despo attempt to finish up everything.

first day was okay,cant really remember now.lessons and games and a million times of firedrills,eggs cracking,scoldings.the firedrills were uber tiring:/ second day was hike:O i didnt expect we would walk so long.from our school to esplanade.goshiewoshie.considering we had to walk in the rain a little and carry a super heavy stretcher all the way.FD was insane,and very scary.and night trail(trails off).we had flour thrown at us,touched weird unknown stuff,listened to ghost stories(with sound effect),even ate gross stuff.i was super totally freaked out can:S rawr!

and the hall was cold:S and we have to thank that snake in the canteen for making us sleep there.not saying the tents were super okay and cosy too.YKNOW NCC TOLD THEIR CADETS TO SHOUT LOUDER THAN RED CROSS EH.right?i think i heard.gosh,so cool! but we really improved like a lot.but still not there yet:(

FD bright and early in the morning.PT and prize giving and lessons blah.uniform inspection was weird cause we wore them for the first times and my belt was super loose can:X my bad.*drumroll*punishment time:O for all our bottles,flags etc etc.in the end we decided on 1375 circle pumpings plus 200 Buddha claps.nearly died doing it.holding in recovery while the rest pump is hell.absolute.and i was crying like shit not because of the pain but urgh.nehmind.we all did circle pumpings till like the last few den we did together.ohmytian,my arms like suddenly no strength at all.and i fell flat like twice:O all the while when i fell i was like"felicia ah,everyone can tahan,why not you?" even fell in recovery.shit man.im such a disgrace.but we did it(: and im so proud.and thank you everyone who asked if i was okay(: and im aching like mad now.i wanna sleep!

"Wait for the Lord;be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."Psalm 27:14

new classic

2009-11-17T19:09:00.004+08:00

dont bother messaging me or anything.will be stuck in camp from wed till friday.and i am just SO anticipating it.it's going to be torturous.i can feel it.urgh.and im really scared.plus,whats worse is i have my bricks.gahh.i am so unlucky.

this is my first time going to camp again after that thing.after that trip,you totally ignored me.things were already pretty bad,but after the trip,things came to a point where it could not be repaired anymore.i feel jealous everytime you call someone else what you called me.pfft.why did you treat me as your paper plate.after you use it,you throw it away.

2009-11-16T23:02:00.000+08:00

i dont really care about what you do.do whatever you like.

killing me softly

2009-11-15T22:13:00.003+08:00

i feel so clean now.wakaka.really.just now i smelt like sand+bbq+smoke+onions+garlic blah blha blha.i stink man.and god knows how much sand i washed away just now.class outing is officially the BOMB! so boomz! can.i went like like 11 plus to go and help out with making the food.ntuc was funny,cause we looked so weird shopping for groceries,so auntie can(: went mai's hse to make the food.her sisters damm cute eh.and i cooked fried rice.combines effort with gin:O can you believe it.mama must be so proud of me.and the whole thing was fun.

reached wcp like the first can.and there was this little boy who always came to our pit and he plucked a leaf for me.SO COOL EH.xiulun waved to him but he diaoed her.bwahah.i still rock.but he superr cute.everyone started coming and it was chaotic.played Frisbee a little with xiulun,xiangjun and mai.den we got bored and went to the playground.

ohgosh,how should i start?we were shuffing sand at each other and jumping like uber deprived kids.and eeww,i think i ate some sand.eeyer,gross!and ang liying stole my shoe and made me run like so long barefooted.and guess whats the best part,there were people our age watching us.plus minus a bit la.malu can.and she threw sand at my neck,ear and whatnot.wahpiang,i go home and bathe i found like so much sand in my ears.ew,gross.and i was so pissed i walked/ran most of the way back to the pit barefooted.and it ain't that near okay my dear.urgh.i must have looked unglam okay.

the food came and everyone was damm funny.and adreena thought i fell down due to the excessive sand on my body== the food was fabulous.though some ain't fully cooked.but still,awesome man.i took over the fire and boy,the smoke was like shit man.like i was crying.sheesh.den some people started going home:( and me and xiangjun realised there was TRUCKLOADS of food left:O

so being the smart people we were,we went around offering people the awesome egg mayo sandwiches. and they were so nice to take it from us(: ILTHEM! they totally rock.but we had this pile of chicken wings/hot dogs/satay.we wanted to give ee faye's cousin they all but they say they have a lot ler.den the next pit was a bunch of people like 16,17?den we so paiseh so neh go lorh.in the end we gave the gocart people.and they were so nice to take it from us(: and we somemore gave them thrice eh.hicken wings/hot dogs/satay/otah/fried rice.free super can.wahpaing,we should get free gocart rides for life.haha,kidding! and the third time we gave them,they say very nice eh.BUT OF COURSE! HAHA. but nehmind la.xiangjun say it's okay since none of them are those super hot ones.except one of them,so so lah.bwahahah.

everything was awesome(: and im posting so i wont forget everything that happened(: Im tired and i dunwan go school tmr:S RAWR!

2009-11-11T10:42:00.002+08:00

why do you have to take away everything i have?

prehaps quiter.

2009-11-10T22:47:00.003+08:00

I freaking want to stuff myself silly with this.millions of this.and i dont care if i get fat.my only comfort giver,except God's word.here we go again.

I'm so much better without you.thanks for all the tears.and im really hallucinating. its a fact.i see people whom im not supposed to see standing infront of me

rainbow

2009-11-10T17:21:00.005+08:00

today was supposed to go with jesslyn to tiong to buy harsh brows but somebody was ALWAYS late.tsk.ended up rushing and didnt eat my awesome harsh brow. den went redhill and bought KOREAN KIMCHI MAGGI MEE.it was super awesome and i bet everyone was uber jealous(: really.but wahpiang,i ate until the school bus stop,wanted to throw it into the bin and guess what i saw:O i saw a humongous lizard at the side.freaked out a little den i told myself to be brave and shoot it in.it did went into the bin(surprising) but hayln said it 'rubbed shoulders' with the lizard and it moved a little.tsk.

at first the whole thing was pretty productive.we did the group flag and our group's one was awesome can(: and we played with the paint.i ended up with a super colourful skirt.den we went for lunch at tiong,like as a squad.i started waving to random people on our super noisy walk to the mrt.and this awful mae chen started to dare me to wave to random people,but must be boys.wahpiang,as deepa said,what does that make me?sheesh.IM TOTALLY SANE OKAY!we were quarrelling over what to eat,cause some of us wanted macs,and some wanted kfc.was super chaotic:/ we went to macs but it was all full.den someone suggested burger king but all the old man were sitting there and looking at us.eeyer.settled for kfc cause it wasn't that crowded.mae chen was the last one of all of us to get her food.tee hee! and we talked super lot.when we went back we saw the ma'ams playing with the poles and it was kinda =.= can:/ den was super slack.except FDC people have to practice:S jiayous(:

I think im hallucinating.sometimes i see people when i sit in the car.and most of the time,i see rainbows.and i get so excited and tell me family.and they cant see it.never can.issit just me or issit all of them?

I know its hard on you.but cant you try and understand for a moment?

falling slowly

2009-11-09T19:35:00.002+08:00

strawberries never fail to cheer me up.always will

where everyone can

2009-11-07T20:54:00.005+08:00

I'll be with you,every step of the way

SCGS paper is burying me.imagine doing maths without calculator:O i'll just die.i changed my skin to something very un-meish.but i think i need a break from everything.thats why i'm trying my best-est not to go on the com so frequently.cause once i start,i just cant stop.its addictive.super in fact.urgh.

i cant think of anything else to say except im tired.tired of everything.but when I think of God,my family and all my friends,it gives me strength to go on and not give up.even if i really do,at least i tried my best.my very very best.

P.s.i really like the robots(: i wanna marry that yellow one,the one right at the end.dont you think he's the cutest? and you should totally watch princess protection programme.its awesome.

next to me

2009-11-05T16:37:00.004+08:00

I just can't focus at home.and one week is going to pass,very soon.and what have I done?nothing.urgh.i just feel damm sian when i do my work and so no mood.and i'll just waste my time away.i need to work harder,and mug for next year.if not im messed up,big time.urgh urgh.I pray that He will give me strength and make me focus.even though i dont like what im doing or the subject,i will still preserve."I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."Philippians 4:13.and of course,my favorite verse."For where your treasure is,there you heart will be also"Matthew 6:21.I need to focus and not get distracted.

The worst pain imaginable is when you see someone you ~~like~~ love wasting his life away. ~~Please,for me.stop it.its bad for you and when i see you like that...you can never understand how it feels.~~

and i smiled for you

2009-11-04T21:50:00.002+08:00

I am aching all over,but im glad we had it over and done with(:the 10km was awesome,cause we got to know everyone else so much better and yah,made a couple of new friends."earning"our lunch was tsk,the worst thing i ever felt in my life.mae chen said i looked like i wanted to cry.then 2 seconds later she said i gave the constipated look-.-hilarious.and we were all so exhausted after walking so long and wahpiang,we had to do 76 jumping jacks just for a packet of maggi for everyone-.-did some other challenges for canned food and eggs:/ and mass tins too!

The cooking was awesomesauce.like damm hilarious.read this at your own risk okay,just dont fall off from your seat(: we had the fire and we were placing our mass tins over it.and we waited.and waited.and waited.at first someone said she thought there was no fire but i said there was.biggest mistake of my life can.i so piaseh after that,cause i passed my oa bronze and i couldn't see if there was fire ornot-.- malu.but finally we got the fire on and the thing boiling,but we were like behind the rest.and thanks ellie for cracking the egg.cause if that was me,you'll probably be eating egg shell.tee hee.and the mushrooms were awesome,cause we had 1 can to ourselves.but of course we shared with everyone else(: we're nice people.it didn't have any 'soup' at all cause we cooked 4 packets of maggi in 1 small miserable mass tin.and it tasted soggy and weird.but it was still awesome!

the walk was unbearable.at first our bags were like super light and everyone was so noisy talking.as we went on,we started to shutup a little and our bags became heavier,and heavier and heavier.but we didnt give up and we did it!im so proud of myself.10 km eh!i neh walk so far in my life before okay.the weather was horrible today.sun,rain,sun and rain AGAIN.but the rain made it cooler(: and i made so many awesomesauce friends today,and we became so much closer from the start to the end(:

my mm just said i looked so anggay and rosy.sheesh.and im like a lobster.walking one somemore.but it was all worthwhile.I HOPED I LOST SOME WEIGHT IN THE PROCESS.THE MAIN GOAL!

2009-11-03T22:17:00.001+08:00

you called me ruthless.

try

2009-11-03T16:31:00.002+08:00

YAY.i love my daddy.my phone is now fixed(: woots man.its super ironic,cause some shops said 50 bucks and 2 days later,some said 30 bucks and 1 day later.but my daddy found this awesome shop and its only like 5 bucks and i could get it on the same day(: woots man.some stupid screw came out and thats why the thing jam like siao can.im so happy i have it back now.

im uber scared for tmr.10 km in track pants.seriously,shoot me.urgh urgh.this stinks

make the change

2009-11-02T19:25:00.003+08:00

"Everything thing you do,do it well.Do it as if your life depended on it."

this was what some auntie at the old folks home told us.and she was uber cheerful.and the best thing,she can speak english:O how amazing.doing cards with the old folks there was pretty fun,like compared to folding their blankets-.- we cut the edges with this super super cool gadget.and we stuck the bookmarks on them.it was real pretty(: but our bus ride there was sorta,hem hem.first the bus uncle threatened to drive away cause we were late.then without a cher,we went to peacehaven.however,the uncle totally overshot and ended at CHANGI AIRPORT.like really.and he made a U turn at terminal something.so diao can.and finally we found the place.and when we went back,he was asking siying ma'am to help him take a picture of him beside the bus.ego ego.the ride back was hilarious.me and mae chen starting waving like super despo to random people.and this includes a security guard,someone walking on the road,someone driving blah blah blah.and some waved back!tee hee.we looked retarded can.I wanna pon the trek on wed.i seriously no mood go can:S urgh urgh.i only done some maths hmk and i have tons to go.oh snap.guess who's going to mug hard for the rest of the holidays?

F my phone.urgh.its the 2nd time it broke down.and its like only 1 week before i sent it for repair.now the thing is super jammed up and cant slide it.wth.never buy my phone,it stinks ttm.mae chen is so superficial can.she expects to date someone who is in a sch round crescent standard or higher.sheesh.i told my mama and she was like"hello,RI boy where got want to date you one-.-"thats why i love my mommy and daddy.and my mama was like when you get a boyfriend must show me.and it better not be anytime soon.wakakaka.

Compare the beauty of the night

2009-10-31T21:11:00.003+08:00

these few days pass really quick.i still cant believe my sec 1 days are over.its was like just yesterday when we had orientation and everyone was scared to make new friends:/ crescent really changed me.i became louder,more hyper,a little more sick(thanks to ang mae chen mea!),and more bimbotic.nono,im not admitting im bimbotic but everyone has that bimbotic side,even you yes you.bwahah.no offence can.and crescent has this awesome school spirit.even though we didnt have assembly on the last day of school,everyone stilled cheered outside of their classrooms(hem hem,noise pollution)when i see the hmk,remind me what am i living for.for a bloody piece of paper that would mean like the world can.urgh urgh.i cant screw it up next year,or else im really dead:X

I just wanted the best for you,and i didnt expect such a thing to happen.its all my fault.who would have thought that he was not who he pretended to be.ohgod,please forgive me.its all my fault.the timing was just totally off.and you can like a lot of people,but only love one person:/

and im doubtful

2009-10-29T21:41:00.002+08:00

sometimes i dont even know why do i try so hard.i tried very hard this semester to study hard,to show you the results that you wanted to see.but you didnt even said anything,not even a work harder next time.none of that.i know i didnt do that well for my mid years,so i wanted to improve and show you better results.but now i wonder,does this even mean anything to you?do you even care if i improve by a lot?i think you don't.well,your words and actions tell me you dont really care.and why did i even bother in the first place.stupid me.i shouldn't have even tried.

I will be strong

2009-10-29T14:38:00.005+08:00

seriously darlings,i should really go and do this man.oh god,when i see my report book guess who wants to die?Me Me Me.its not like im err,how should i put it,indirectly praising myself?nonono,its not bout that but like although my results are so so,i was quite sad cause i didnt work harder and get into top 10.yea,its not like im trying to make anyone feel worst or anything,i just feel if i didnt waste all my time away,i could have gotten much much better.and please dont think im a hypocrite okay?its just that Im sure everyone will work harder next year and get the combo we want(:

We talked bout each other's crush during chinese and CME.hilarious can.and i found out all bout ah ma'a crush(:*winks* damm funny can.and we mainly discusses ellie's wedding with either weijin or bryan.she got first choice and second choice one.and we're talking bout how i would wear a hot pink dress to the wedding and me and beatrice would be bridesmaid.and learnt some really gross stuff from mae chen.and made up crushes.my crush rocks the most can.St. Hilda's,Sec 5 and in library club.awesome right,I have such great imagination! but it was verh funny with beatrice drawing water suns everywhere.and ellie getting so pissed.sorta girl moment.and i just realised this year is the 7th year running I've been in a girls school.im so proud of myself!

There was this lady who came to talk to us today but taking care of our skin and blah blah blah.but she gave us free samples,thats the best part(: I wanna pon tuition and go for class outing,i really want to.but mama is going to decide my fate.please pray that she'll let me pon(: haha,i sound like a naughty girl trying to pon school,but then again,who doesn't:D

Im seriously doubtful if i can go ACJC.seriously.Like i have to improve by a lot,and plus it gotta maintain till sec 4.and every year it's going to get harder and harder:S shit man,i really scared i have to retain or something.and that I'll get kicked out from HCL,which has a very very very high possibility.I'll pray to the Lord.Cause my mommy says God will only help those who helps themselves.I shall go and start studying errr,this weekend.yups,this weekend(: okay,set!

I love you to bits Ellie and Xiu Lun.thanks for cheering me up when i got my report book.for tolerating me though I noe that you dont like people who cry over a piece of paper.and for that note you wrote,telling me that theres still another chance and its not the end of the world.and thank you beatrice,liying,mae chen,xiang jun and amanda for making me uber happy today!

something bout you is addictive

2009-10-28T17:27:00.003+08:00

Its not like i want to feel that way,its human nature,who wouldn't.dont blame me if you find out okay?but i doubt you ever will.I just have to let it go and not dwell too much on it:/but its eating into me,literally.i have so much i wanna say,but i dont want to tell it straight in your face,cause i dont want to hurt anyone.and plus,i noe its not your fault.so its wrong of me to blame you.you didnt ask for this too.but if i dont blame you,who else can i blame?God,i need someone to listen to all this,cause im scared if i dont it out of my system,I'll just blurt it out and thats the end of me.finished.

don't let me fall

2009-10-27T21:38:00.002+08:00

Im pretty pissed now.i typed like a whole lot of bullshit just now and just cause i presses one wrong button,everything's gone now.oh great:/ forget it,shall just be very brief.traffic duty was okay today,minus the fact that Mr Lim honked at me=.= like really.how mean.honk what honk,anyhow honk one.tsk.and after that he still "Felicia,you do traffic duty like *insert right method*,not*insert the slackish method i did today*.oh gosh,i feel maluated can.

mass lectures were boring,was trying to keep my eyes open.the concurrent sessions were much better,though the videos look very old.and we kept talking bout ellie and someone else.well,it was very funny,at her expense.but i thought it sorta bonded us,in a good/bad way(: and i think the talk today made mae chen a whole lot sicker.and our library is stocked with magazines that they should not have.and our dear mae chen was looking through stuff she should not be looking through.expected though,surprisingly.

i finally get what liying means when she says detention stinks.it acutally does,to some extent.though it was their detention,we still had to run here run there and get plasters for them-.- i feel a little sorry for justina ma'am.cause it must be malu-ating to be "ordered" by your cadets.and plus,she ain't that bad mah,like she's quite nice when she wants to be.i shall be nice to her next time(:

i really dont noe how to tell my chinese tuition cher but my marks,she will just slap me i swear.i dont want to tell her eh.urgh urgh.im at such a loss can.go and die felicia.i disappointed everyone,like ttm can.i feel more than guilty.

"Because that's what people do who love you.They put their arms around you and love you when you're not so lovable" Thank you ellie,xiulun,liying,beatrice.If not for you all,I wouldn't have got through all these.love you all truckloads!

Is a mystery too

2009-10-26T22:27:00.002+08:00

Cheer up guys.I know everyone is going through difficulties now,i know that.and we're all trying to help each other.its the last 4 days of school,can we just put aside everything and enjoy it ttm?i know im asking a lot from you all,but please.i won't scold anyone on my blog,cause i noe how it feels to read someone's post and know that though she didnt say it was you,it was like so directed at you.and not that i hate anyone too.i noe that maybe whatever i said you don't really take it to heart and bother,but im still going to try,cause i noe the feeling when you're down and someone comes to cheer you up.though you won't be as cheerful and bubbly,you still feel comforted.i noe that feeling,it almost became my best friend.

have detention tmr:S neh,not me having detention,but like for council.these few days have been pretty cool.red cross today was fun ttm! we had treasure hunt and for the rest of the time we discussed squad outing while the ma'ams starting goofing around.and they started to argue whether Jacob or Edward was hotter-.-tsk tsk.but it was hilarious(:

do you see how much i need you?you never do don't you.i should have known.everything was in vain.i shouldn't have even tried.but at least i know now to give up.死了这条心.

Move along

2009-10-25T21:23:00.003+08:00

I really really want to thin my hair.like pronto.i hate having to tie my hair everytime i left the house cause if not,i look like some crazy woman.seriously,its so unfair that ho xiu lun gets to thin her hair,plus her hair ain't that thick,if you compare with mine.i dont care mommy,i want to thin my hairrrr.urgh urgh:/

i don't understand why do we still have school after exams.and somemore tmr is o levels.so unfair,whats the point of school can!i sound like a spoiled little girl now=.=

yesterday was the last day,like the send off thing.and tmr is the 7th day.for those of you who don't already know,my grandad passed away on the 20th.yea,thats why i left early on friday.im really exhausted.i mean i wasn't very close to him and like only saw him in what?once a month?but whenever the people at the nursing home gave him stuff like cups and etc,he would always ask my daddy to bring home for us.at least he cared for us.and i saw the whole cremation process,the coffin going into the incinerator.oh gosh,im just 13.well technically 12 and this is like too much for me to take it.I pray for strength God.

I feel so much better after crying everything out,like really.everything i buried in my heart is finally out,in the state of liquid.its just 2 days ago and i cant stop thinking bout you,though i know i probably will never ever see your face again,but still.i still remember the time you gave me the last lemon tea.although you ain't as tall as your brothers,i like you all the same.

when i see you smile

2009-10-24T22:38:00.002+08:00

Oh gosh.i feel so drained after all this.mentally and physically cause i didnt sleep for long during this period of time.i wanna give up on higher chinese,i really do.i guess its cause of my utterly horrible chinese end of years marks.i still cant believe it.sometimes,i really think all this is a big mistake,i shouldn't have even took hcl in the first place.honestly,what was i thinking.but i know i cant give up and disappoint everyone else.well,i guess i have to study more than other people:S

today was the last day,i guess i'll never see you again.i do regret though.

2009-10-24T00:11:00.002+08:00

Ohmygosh.Once,twice and tomorrow is the last time.aww not again.But he's so cute can,like really cute,not hot.his brothers are cute too,but not as much as him.He got a face edward cullen would die for,just that he cant die.HAHA:/ okay,lame joke,gotta move on.eh,but really hor,he damm cute can.oh no,this sounds like its gonna badly.but who cares,enjoy every moment.i sound weird-.-